Shamoozal.com - Smorgas Board

This was requested by Hack since he likes knowing what happens in movies but doesnt like going to see a lot of them. Request a movie and I'll let you know what happens if I saw it. Here's Hack's requests.

Seven Pounds
Will Smith caused a car accident and killed 7 people including his wife. So he decided to help 7 strangers in need. He steals his brother's idenity as an IRS agent and gets information on a bunch of people. In the end he kills himself and donates a bunch of his organs to people he met, got to know, and thinks they're deserving of them. ADDITION: the way he kills himself is he fills his bathtub with ice and water, gets in, and drops in his HUGE pet jellyfish which stings him to death.

Gran Torino
Clint Eastwood befriends an Asian kid that is getting picked on by a local gang. When he confronts one of the gang bangers and tells them to knock it off, the gang beats up and rapes one of the Asian girls and does a drive by to their house. Clint goes to their house late at night and you think he's going to kill them all. When he reaches into his pocket for a lighter, the gang thinks he has a gun and open fires on him. They kill him but there's so many witnesses in the neighborhood that the gang gets arrested and you assume they go to jail for life. Clint was unarmed, he knew he was going to die to sacrifice himself.

Doubt
Philip Seymour Hoffman is a priest accused of child molestation at the catholic school. Meryl Streep is the nun principal accusing him. She doesnt have evidence but just believes he's up to no good. They go back and forth arguing about it. In the end you're not sure if he did it or not but he gets transfered out of the church. Streep in the end admits she doubts what she did was right.

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haha awesome

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Valkyrie
Tom Cruise thinks he kills Hitler when he sets off a bomb at one of his meetings. So without confirmation, he starts gathering his men and overthrowing the Nazi party to reclaim Sacred Germany. But then Hitler ends up still being alive and his plan falls apart. Cruise and his men are all executed.

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i love this thread.

pl dont want to come in here but i bet they cant help it and read the spoilers.

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I read the Seven Pounds one because I'll probably never see that movie ever. That has to be the stupidest way to kill yourself in the history of killing yourself.

HAHAHAAHAHAHA. I'm sure there was a medical reason for why he did that. He probably won't damage his organs that way. Then again, he could have just taken some Asprin and hung himself ala HOUSE.

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"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. "

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Who has a pet jellyfish?? Really!

I think that in order to post in this thread, at least one sentence has to be spoiler tagged.

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The Reader
Young Ralph Fiennes has a relationship with an older woman, Kate Winslet, until one day she is gone. A few years later he's observing a trial for law school and she's on trial for being a guard at a Nazi camp. there's a scene where she could get off with a lesser charge if she admits she cant read or write but she doesnt do it. the young boy doesnt reveal her secret either. she gets life in prison. older ralph fiennes finally contacts her and shes an old woman. he sends her tapes in prison and helps her read and write. when she's due for parole, they see each other again and she realized she ruined his life by disappearing so she kills herself.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Button is born as a little baby old man who is taken care of at an elderly home. as he gets older, his body gets younger. when he's around 10 he meets a girl of the same age and falls in love but since he's a real weird looking 10 year old, nothing really happens and she's out of his life. when he's 17 and still looking weird he sets out on his own, getting a job and traveling the world on a boat. he gets drunk and laid for the first time and loves it. he's having a great life for being such a weirdo. he meets back up with the chick when he's older (looking younger) and a relationship starts. they have a kid and Button starts getting nervous about what is going to happen when he starts reverting into a child-like stage. he abandons his family only to be found years later back at the elderly home as a small child. his babys momma takes care of him like he's her own child. finally he dies as a little infant.

The Day The Earth Stood Still
Keanu comes to Earth as an alien who is to judge whether or not humans should be saved. when he finds out they are not a peaceful race and they are also destroying the planet through global warming, he communicates back saying to eliminate them and only save the other living beings of Earth. Jennifer Connelly tries to change his mind. So the big robot alien GORT changes into little tiny metal bugs and eats through everything in its way including people. Finally Connelly convinces Keanu that he made the wrong decision and he stops the destruction of Earth before it gets out of hand.

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I love that last line of the Day the Earth Stood still: "Finally Connelly convinces Keanu that he made the wrong decision and he stops the destruction of Earth before it gets out of hand." This is AFTER little metal bugs are eating half the planet....hahahahha

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love it

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Man! All these spoilers! I've gotta save some of the surprise for when I revisit all these shit piles of movies.

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"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. "

Revolutionary Road
Kate and Leo are in a mediocre relationship leading mediocre lives. They both cheat on each other probably because they're bored with life. She decides she wants to move to Paris to let Leo find his true calling in life and start fresh. He is hesitant but eventually agrees. She gets knocked up and he is offered a promotion at the job he hates, so he starts saying they cant go. She wants to have an abortion so they can still go and buys this rubber tubing device behind Leo's back. He finds it. They fight a lot. She realizes she hates him and they fight a lot again. Then one morning after a huge fight, she pretends everything is OK, makes Leo breakfast, tells him she loves him, and he goes to work. While he's gone she give herself the self abortion and is bleeding so much from it that she's rushed to the hospital and dies.

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Bangkok Dangerous

It stinks. And he kills himself.

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"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. "

Rev Road sounds like the most depressing worst way to spend 2 hours of my life.

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The Wrestler
Mickey Rourke is working the independent circuits as a legend that I guess you are supposed to assume used to wrestle in a WWE-like promotion but now he's old and cant do much. Everyone loves him though in these small arenas. He is broke, taking roids, drinking, visiting the strip club for one older stripper, Marissa Tomei. After an INSANE hardcore match he has a heart attack and bypass surgery. They tell him not to wrestle so he retires, gets more hours at the supermarket, tries reuniting with his daughter who hates him, and tries starting a relationship with the stripper. He screws up everything. He loses his daughter just when things start getting good because he gets high, bangs some broad, and passes out at her house when he's supposed to be at dinner with his daughter. so she curses him out and never wants to see him again. he quits his job after he is nagged by a customer about being an old wrestler and this was because he was in a bad mood after getting into a fight with the stripper when she doesnt want to see him anymore. He realizes his only life is in the ring when he's a Somebody instead of a broke, loser Nobody in real life. So he goes back to wrestling for a big final matchup with his arch nemesis from the 80s, The Ayatollah (Ernest THE CAT Miller). He gives a big heart felt speech before the match. During the match he starts having chest pains but finishes up with his finisher off the top rope, The Ram Jam and cue the Bruce song because thats how it ends, with Randy The Ram Robinson being cheered and loved in the ring.

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Yeah, I don't think I'll ever watch it now.

Hostel 2

Basic Plot: Girls get tricked to stay at Hostel. Two American buffoons want to kill people so they pay money. One guy is all about it and the other guy isn't. The guy who isn't meets the main girl at a party and talks to her for a while. All the girls get kidnapped. First chick dies by getting cut a billion times. Second chick ends up in the room with the guy who was all about it. He ends up cutting some of her face with a handheld masonary saw and as soon as he sees what he did, he is disgusted and tries to leave. Dogs end up eating him because he is not allowed to leave unless he fulfills the contract of killing someone. The other guy who wasn't about killing people ends up in a room with the main girl who is tied to a chair. After some bullshit conversation (PLOT TWIST), the guy ends up being all about killing people. After some freaking out, they offer the guy a two for one deal since the other guy pussied out and didn't kill the other chick. So he goes back, kills her, and returns to finish the deed. The main chick ends up escaping and putting that guy in the torture chair she was in. She demands for the code to get out when some security shows up and she manages to get a gun. The owners and some other guards show up while she is holding a gun and has the guys dick out held with PLYERS. She says she wants to buy her way out and apparently has a shitload of money. The guy says he'll pay more, but he didn't have enough money so they refuse him. The owner says she has to fulfill the contract and the guy in the chair keeps calling her a cunt nonstop. So she says "What did you call me?" and then I proceded to scream at the top of my lungs because she ripped his entire dick out with the plyers and fed it to the dogs in the room. It felt like my dick got ripped out. The guys in the room looked in horror as she left and got herself an official hotel tatoo. I hate this movie. My reaction to that dick getting ripped out was this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9KyBdPeKHg

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hahahaha....i love how everyone in the comments section of that video are just saying "OH MAN" or "OH GOD"!

Did this Hostel have as much nudity as the last one?

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I don't think it did, but it did have it's fair share. Some girl in the movie is hung naked from the ceiling and bled over a bathtub, where another woman is bathing in it.

If that's your kind of thing, go see Hostel 2.

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Yeah I heard about that part that's just a bit creepy.

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Changeling
Angelina Jolie's kid gets kidnapped. The police bring back a kid that isnt hers but they keep trying to say she is going crazy and it really is her kid. The kid is in on it because he was some homeless kid traveling around with a drifter and probably wants a home. Also its assumed that the cops told him to lie. The cops dont want to admit that they made a mistake so instead they lock up Jolie in the looney bin. Malkovich is a reverend that helps bring all this to the public and the police are looking really bad. We find out that a sick serial killer went around kidnapping kids and taking them to his ranch where he would kill them. Her son was one of the kids that was taken but his remains are never found buried on the ranch and we find out a few kids escaped so she never gives up looking for him. A trial occurs because of the police's mistreatment of the case. The police captain is let go and so is the Chief. The killer is found and executed but never admits to Jolie if her kid is alive or not.

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i forgot about this thread, i might have to go back and spoil all the movies i've seen.
here's two.

last house on the left
chick and parents go to vacation house out by the lake. no other houses around. a gang takes out the car transporting cromartie and sets him free. chick goes into town to meet her friend. they meet a kid who wants to smoke weed with them. they go back to his hotel. while there, cromartie and his gang come in. the kid is cromartie's son. they dont trust the girls to not call the cops so they kidnap them. they're driving around and the chick causes them to get into an accident. so cromartie gets mad and stabs the friend killing her and rapes the chick pretty graphically. while they're plotting and planning she makes a run for it. they shoot at her while she's swimming away and they think she's dead because the popped her in the shoulder. she washes up on shore during the night and she's alive. the gang has no place to go so they go to the only house around. the chicks parents dont know who they are and the gang doesnt know they're the chicks parents. they stay in the guest house until they can call a tow truck in the morning. middle of the night the chick makes it back home and tells the parents what happened. so the parents pick off the gang members one by one. garbage disposal hand, tack hammer through the skull. and at the end the dad puts cromarties head in the microwave and makes it explode. the end.


knowing
1959 - creepy girl is hearing voices, makes a crazy numbered pattern that goes into their time capsule. 50 years later its opened and nic cage's son gets the paper. they dont know what it means. cage's wife died a couple years earlier. he has problems raising his kid alone. one night he gets hammered and somehows uncracks the code to reveal the 9-11 disaster. he then cracks the entire code. meanwhile creepy guys are following his son around whispering things to him. cage tries to convince people of the disasters and no one believes him of course. he goes to the site of where the next disaster happens and witnesses it live. then he goes to the next one to try to save people but he cant. the final disaster he finds out is the end of the world. he tries to find the creepy girl that made the paper but she's dead. her daughter and her kid help him instead with all the info on the mom. cage finds out where he has to go for the last disaster. he thinks he can save everyone. meanwhile his kid and the the girls kid are kidnapped by the creeps. cage finds out the sun is about to shoot a flare killing all life on earth. the creepy guys turn out to be.... aliens. they chose his son and the chicks daughter as the ones to start life again once everyone is dead. a big spaceship comes down, the creeps turn into alien angels, and away they go. cage is left on earth to die along with everyone else. the entire world is destroyed by a fire. the movie ends with the kids on a new planet running towards what looks like the tree of life. ALIENS! YEAH!

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Hahahahahahaha. About Knowing isn't it based on a book? Not that it gives the ending an excuse. It's a little silly that aliens would want human life to go forward on another planet, why the fuck would they care? Oh well. Oh well, I think I would actually watch it now that I know the whole thing, hahahaha.