Shamoozal.com - Smorgas Board

HAHAHAHHAHAHA man I love a good crapper story.

I guess I can share my awful story this morning. I've been getting over the flu the past couple days, so all hasn't been well with me. I woke up this morning feeling like I was going to vomit, so I went to the bathroom to stare at the toilet until I puked up a storm. Eventually, I started to heave, but ultimately did not vomit. However, as I'm heaving, FUCKING FART ATTACK OUT OF NOWHERE. The worst, wettest, flu-iest farts you can imagine, and I was powerless to stop it. I was occupied with my barfing, so I couldn't hold on to my butts to contain the explosion. The attack did not breach the outer walls, but some cleanup was required.

HAHAHA I know what you're talking about, throwing up sickness sucks

Hahahah oh man, that sucks dude. Sorry you've been feeling awful lately.

hah that happened to me once when i was little. i remember running to go puke in the toilet. i get there gettting ready to heave when all of a sudden i felt like diarrhea attack come on. i remember thinking "holy shit what am i gonna do??" i knew i was going to be able to hold back the puke because it was happening, like, right that second, so i took a gamble thinking i could hold back the brown tide.

i could not.

it was a disaster. i was wearing shorts and became a chocolate fountain.

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Swear to me.

Double trouble, thank god I've never had to deal with that. I can't tell you the last time I threw up because of the flu or food poisoning. Only when I'm bombed out of my Gord.

I don't really throw up too often. Not even when I get absolutely hammered. So I usually remember the occasion.
I have photographic evidence of the last time I threw up.
Labor Day Party 2009. Combination of beers, shots and a big ass cigar. But inhaling the cigar a little too much was what sent me over the edge.
I was putting some songs on random when I got the spins so I put my head down. Then a little puke came out as you can see in the trashcan. After this picture, I tried to get up, got all dizzy and stumbled down the hallway. Managed to get to my bedroom, puked in a wicker trashcan so it came right out the bottom, and then knocked my closet door off as I stumbled into my bed. I was called The Wicker Man for the rest of the weekend.

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WWW.MOVIEWISEGUYS.COM

AHAHAHAHAA!! I have had the dreaded double attack, had to sit on the shitter and puke into a bathroom trashcan. Luckily it was one of the larger plastic ones.

i remember i was in high school and i had the flu and i was sleeping on my couch when i woke up to puke in a bucket next to me and ended up shitting my pants at the same time hahaha. It wasnt pretty.

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i have to shit so bad...and there have been dudes in the stalls forever. i want to start pounding on the doors.

I hadn't shit in 3 days, and its all coming out this morning and it's redefining stomach pain.

I ate like complete shit this weekend and the bathroom at work is paying for it this morning. 3 full bowls of nastiness so far this morning

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- Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
-- He's dead, all right.
--- How was I supposed to know where he was?
- You were supposed to fire up. _We_ both fired _up_.

so for whatever reason, whenever i travel to NYC, i get stopped up..idk why, but it pisses me off. even a few days before it begins to happen. it is like my body knows whats up. yesterday I just couldn't take it anymore, so I went to buy some laxative. so i head to duane reed and pick some up. i get to the check out and there are three open registers..all of them really cute 20 something chicks. so i owned my fate. i walked up to the counter, slapped down my ex lax and stared her down while she was checking me out. if it was goin to be awkward for me, it was goin to be awkward for both of us.

oh and never believe the phrase "gentle relief"..there was nothing gentle about it.

ahahaha great story

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- Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
-- He's dead, all right.
--- How was I supposed to know where he was?
- You were supposed to fire up. _We_ both fired _up_.

Was in the bathroom washing my hands. Was walking out and spotted this out of the corner of my eye.



Just completely decimated. I took the picture and ran to tell this one dude. A few minutes later another guy stopped by asking if I saw it saying we worked with savages and this person needed to be brought to justice. I'm done. Ive been laughing for like 10 minutes.

Oh my god...A monster from the depths.

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A guy just run in here with a picture of it on his phone. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Here is an update on the shituation.

Hey! I'm trying to eat my lunch here!

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"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. "

Hahaha is that a little ball of shit in the front?

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NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

I hope that guy went home sick. That is brutal.

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WWW.MOVIEWISEGUYS.COM

HAHAAHA even though the whole office was going nuts over it we still don't know who it was. May not have been any of us actually since our bathroom is for a floor where we share office space.

I have a theory that maybe there was a clog building up and that everything just sort of shot back up through the toilet. It just looks impossible to come from a single human ass.

wow. its so green. that cant be healthy.

I couldn't believe this one.
I go into the bathroom to take a piss and some guy is on the toilet.
I can clearly hear he is on his cellphone. Like I hear the other voice but can't really make out what the person is saying.
I can tell its a woman though. First I thought he was just listening to something while crapping which is all fine and good.
But then this dude starts responding to her mid grunts while pushing out a log. I couldn't believe it.
Like he would be saying "Yeah I feel the SAMMMME WAAAY. Its ridiculous. YEEEEEAH I know." He actually said something like that.
Those capped words are where he's literally pushing hard for his turd to come out while responding to this woman.

If I tried that my wife would tell me I'm gross and to call her back when I'm done.
I wouldn't try it anyway because I need my alone time while I crap. This guy didn't care. No regard.

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WWW.MOVIEWISEGUYS.COM

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! i wouldnt have been able to contain the laughter.