Shamoozal.com - Smorgas Board

every once in a while going to the bathroom at work, some guy who just doesnt care will come in making all kinds of noise. I've encountered a few different species of Bathroom Guy.

There's Grunt Guy who just doesnt care who hears him and is giving grunts as he takes a dump. Its funny and disgusting at the same time.

There's Fart Explosion Guy who is just letting HUGE farts fly out as he is taking a crap.... and then there's the ones who do it while they are taking a whizz. Sometimes when I am in the stall next to these guys, I have a hard time holding in my laugh.

There's the hock a loogie guy who just keeps getting deep throaty loogs and spitting them into the urinal as he is pissing. This isnt funny, its just gross.

I've even run into guys treating the bathroom like their own bathroom at home. They're brushing teeth, brushing hair, throwing a little gel in there. they just have to get out of my way.

Then there's talkative guy. I HATE when people talk to me while I'm taking a piss. People that recognize me from work will start talking to me while standing next to me at the urinal. Listen, I dont want to talk while our schlongs are only hidden by a small wall, literally a couple feet from each other. I wanna piss and get outta there.

I dont know how women's bathrooms are and I know I wont get any answers to that on the smorg but still.... these guys are whore daddies.... but then again sometimes hilarious.

go ahead and add your own if i missed any...

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WWW.MOVIEWISEGUYS.COM

I'll fart when I piss some times. I don't really care. I'll fart when I'm taking a crap too. I've gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. I'll make whatever noises I want when I'm in there because that's all I hear coming from everyone else. I don't enjoy the talking while pissing thing either. That just happened to me the other day actually. The person I really hate is Don't Flush Guy. You took a dump, so the auto flush didn't kick in. Flush it yourself for god sakes. Freshman year in college, a lot of people would not flush their own shits and it pissed me off.

Today was nuts. I'm sitting there finishing up my business when this guy comes into the bathroom really loud. He's breathing heavy and grunting up a storm. It's seriously like "Ahhhhrrr" "arrrg" I'm not even kidding.

So he sits down in the stall next to me (thank god I was done) and he just blasts the biggest fart and he seriously goes "AHHHHHRRR" as it happens. I had to bite my hand because I seriously almost lost it. I just wanted to start dying. After that he calmed down a little.

These people go into bathroom and just act like animals. The only thing worse is this Guilty Gear music they keep playing on GamingFM.

Well since the post office is filled with scum I have a couple stories.

For one there was the Oh No! guy. This one guy drove around on a pallet jack and he had to take a shit. So i'm guessing he went to the back bathroom first. Well theres only one toilet and it was occupied so he starts driving to another bathroom but on the way he goes OH NOOOO!! and crapped his pants. Some black man still makes fun of him every day for it.

The other one was a guy who went to another bathroom with one toilet but I guess couldnt wait. So he shit in the urinal. No practical joke or anything he just had to shit in the urinal. the best part is in the front of the building there is a bathroom with 4 stalls so all of this could of been avoided. However its still funny.

Oh yea and one time I saw the feet lift off the ground guy in the stall. I had to get out of there so I could laugh

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AHHHHAHAHAHHAHA OH NO! GUY HAHAHAHAHA

The best is the black guy will drive by and go OHHH NOOO! And this other guy just does it right back. He has no idea he's the OH No guy.

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i love feet lift off the ground guy. hahahahahahah
its like harry from dumb and dumber.

that reminds me of Obvious Diarrhea Guy.
dude you can hear each explosion of crap and the splashes in the water.
oh man, i am guilty of this one when i got stomach pains in work one day.
it was embarassing, i didnt come out of the stall until i knew everyone was out of the bathroom.

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WWW.MOVIEWISEGUYS.COM

I want to know what happened to the courtesy flush...i really think that should be standard etiquette..i also dislike the ppl on cell phones while they are taking a shit..i mean..you think the person on the other end knows they are birthing mud babies while setting up a lunch meeting?

I personally hate the I'm Going To Look at Down While I Piss Guy. I'm in highschool and almost everyone who takes a piss in the urinals are smart enough to look up. But once and awhile I get this guy who likes to look down. The walls between the urinals are about..

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that far out from the wall. Seriously, if you look down you'll have pretty much a great view of your neighbour. So whenever this happens, I just move a urinal over. Oh ya! I hate the Take The Urinal Next To You Guy when there are like 3 other stalls open. They piss me off too.

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MY MOTHER IS A SAINT.

hahahha, yeah. I don't like that either. I also do not like the urinals that stick completely out. Some places are ridiculous with that. There's no way to pee in them unless you just flash your penis out for the entire bathroom to see.

dude my work bathroom is over run with "actors" so they use it as a personal dressing room. they walk in there bare-foot all the time which is absoltey nasty. then, theres the karate guys. they stink like total shit. theres one guy who who take karate classesd who has NO LEGS. he leaves the legs under the sink. it looks like the bottom half of a dead dude down there. its creepy everytime.

at any point in time you could potentially run into a nakes dude in there too.

once, i was walking in, and there was a guy washing somethingin the sink. he yanks it up and wrigns out a pair of undeware. he was WASHING HIS UNDERWARE IN THE SINK.

ive got a million other crzy bathroom stories...i cant think of them for now.

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Swear to me.

KARATE GUY WITH NO LEGS! HAHAHAHAHAHA
I thought you meant that the guy just had stumpy legs or something until I kept on reading and you meant that he had NO legs! HAHAHAHAHHA

i shit you not, this guy had no legs at the knees and tok karate classes. he left his legs, which looked like a man cut in half under the sink. i ran into him onc when h e was coming out of the stall. it was like DOOM3.

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Swear to me.

everytime i have to piss i got right into a stall b/c if i stand at the urinal nothing will happen. Even if the whole bathroom is empty. I guess im bladder shy

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you have a bashful bladder. hahaha

that happens to me sometimes. i have to flush to hear some water then the weenis knows what to do.

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WWW.MOVIEWISEGUYS.COM

At a game or concert I cannot go next to someone else, i just stand there, wait and zip up holding the pee in even longer. I use stalls. Imagine using those old trough urinals, I would never be able to I need my own space.

on the way to the gym, me and jeff were just talking about more Guys.
I cant remember them all but here's some....

The Leftover Smell Guy - he crapped sometime during the day, and it was a horrendous smelling one. But by the time you get to the bathroom he is long gone and all that is left is the stench. You're by yourself in the bathroom, you take a piss, then you're washing your hands and someone else walks in. They smell the wretched stench and immediately think it was you. i hate that guy.

Sneak Fart Guy - either masking farts with coughs or you here a little horn sounding fart one by one because he is trying to squeeze them out without a sound. this one is actually pretty funny.

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WWW.MOVIEWISEGUYS.COM

The worst pee experience I had was at The Who concert. There was just people peeing everywhere in the bathroom. Sinks, corners, walls. Everywhere. I stood in line to pee into an over flowing cup in the corner.

That was the concert of the famous Sidoti cup wasn't it?

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i think this whore daddy should spill over to lockerroom guys as well..you know those old bastards who walk around with thier wrinkled sack blowing in the breeze without an ounce of shame..eff those guys

you'd like to eff those guys wouldn't you, you geriatrophile

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- Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
-- He's dead, all right.
--- How was I supposed to know where he was?
- You were supposed to fire up. _We_ both fired _up_.

Yeah dude, I can't stand the naked old men in the locker rooms.

I sometimes make loud noises in the bathroom on purpose just to weird people out. Like loud juicy fart noises.

I hate the OAC (Ottawa Athletics Club) the layout is just terribly made. Personally, I don't really mind locker rooms, but with a bunch of old guys sneakin' a peak at my dong, the thought just scares me. The pool is on the other side of the bathroom. It's not like...

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Pool Showers

You have to walk down two hallways full of showers with old guys just rinsin' them ol' wrinkles down. When I get to the pool, I feel too sick to swim. I think my fitness place and old guys with no shirts should be whore daddies.

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MY MOTHER IS A SAINT.

another piece of standard bathroom etiquette is that if you have to pee in a urinal DONOT stand next to another dood's urinal if there is another urial open... a 1 urinal buffer between pee-ers is good... and DONOT stand next to a fellow pee-er and strike up a conversation hense making "eye contact"... this is a foe-pah... this one dood at my old job broke both rules at the same time.... i was peeing and this writer walks in.... pees next to make and goes "hey man, whacha workin on today?" i didn't answer him... instead i washed my hands and on the way out i turns the lights off on him so that he would have to pee in the dark... that was his punishment

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Open the pod bay doors, HAL